I'm not skinny! Never have been. Smallest size I've ever been as an adult was a 12 on top and a 14 bottom - thanks to the junk in my trunk. Yes the good Lord was a bit generous with my behind for which I am quite grateful :) 

Anyway, over the years my weight has upped and yo-yos and whatever. Choosing to go into an industry where image is sometimes more than half the work - being my size was about the only thing daunting about following my dreams. I know the world is superficial - even more so in the media. But I decided to just be as healthy as I could be and not think about it. 

I'm a size 16 World, so just Deal with it cos I aint going nowhere! Considering that at my biggest I was a size 26/28 I'm pretty proud of myself to be a size 16. Only people who have battled with their weight would really understand what a huge deal this is to me - accomplished without dieting as I don't know how to diet and never have. And even prouder still because only February this year, I was a size 20. Getting down to a size 16 from a 26/28 did not happen overnight, did not happen in a year. In fact it took approximately 6 years with one more pregnancy in between and a complete change in lilfestyle. 

Let me explain how it all happened really. So I used to be a 12/14 - never dieted as I did not know how, but I worked out 6 days a week out of habit. I've always had what I call chunky thighs - I put it down to my sprinting days and some chunky thigh genes in my family. But when you work out 6 days a week, you also don't really think about how much you eat as you burn it off without a thought. I was happy with my body so never really thought about it. Also I only had mostly healthy stuff, lots of seafood, fish etc. It was my lifestyle and it worked for me. If I pigged out with my best friend on a Saturday at some eatery, we would do an extra hour at the gym the next day.  Keeping the balance. 

But then I got pregnant. And this was when it all went pear shaped really. For 8 months out of the 9 months term, I was sick. For the first 6 months was mostly bed ridden due to being sick -I was told this all meant the baby was healthy, but being practically bed ridden and exhausted, I did not exercise even once during that pregnancy and I had cravings for all the wrong things. I was not surprised I got so big. I thought okay once I have my baby - we're hitting the gym. 

Funny thing about babies... you've got to take them everywhere with you. You've got to factor them into everything you're planning.  And the worst part was where we lived at the time, had no gyms with Creche facilities and I was really embarrassed about the way I looked that I would wake up really early in the morning and do some exercise - was the only time and I believe, if you want something - you gotta make it happen as no one's going to do it for you or even give it to you. Not even if they had whatever it was spare to give. 

Around this period, there were all these new diets people were raving about. So I started to try them out. Atkins Diet - Rule number one about Atkins Diet, don't do it if you're breast-feeding. I got sick and baby got sick due to lack of required nutrients. Immune system severely compromised. Me feeling like WOrst mum on planet for endangering my baby for my looks. Terrible time. Next day I put the book in the trash.  Tried the You are what you eat thing that was all the rage at the time, and thought afterwards, it works because the food looks like crap and tastes like crap and hence you lose your appetite and voila goal achieved. But that was not a viable option either for me. 

I could go on about all the ups and downs - mostly downs but my salvation I believe was the Lotte Berk vhs tapes - Can you believe it was not so long ago we all watched videos??? I do believe that muscle eats fat. Simple but true. When I decided to embrace the techno chick in me and go all digital with dvds, a Lotte Berk set was the first dvd I bought. 30 minutes some are just 20 minutes and in a week I started to see results. I would definitely recommend this if you want to be toned whilst losing weight not just dieting. within 3 months of doing this I dropped to a size 22. Within a year I was an 18. and you know what, I was fine with this. 

I fluctuated between 18 and 20 for a while and then I got pregnant again. And I told myself not to repeat any of my previous mistakes. After this pregnancy I went up to a 24 but I found my new salvation in Virgin Active that, would you believe it, had creche facilities. Why ALL gyms don't have this, I really really don't know. Baby was about 7 months old when I joined so was okay to stay in creche. Knowing that if anything went wrong I'd be just upstairs made me feel so much better. I went to the gym 5 days a week. I can be disciplined about certain things. Gym yes. Diet No. It's just the way I am. And this paid off as the weight did come off and I got back to an 18. 

I guess getting down to a 16 can be attributed to being a mum, trying to achieve my dreams and balancing life. It's just been so busy. So if you were wondering why I'm not a stick insect, now you know why. Or why you will never see any pictures of me in skimpy revealing clothing for the sake of the music - I have a daughter, I'm living by example and also - that's just not me. I may be getting more toned, but I also think you should leave something to the imagination. A little mystery never hurt no one. 

This also explains why you don't see a gazillion tweets from me, I'm usually busy doing my first job as mum and why I was so fiercely protective of my privacy when I first started - I was just being a mum and protecting mine. You know how it is.

So that's it. Number 2 and number 1. Feel free to tweet me questions and I will try to respond today. 

Thank you all so very much for your support on this incredible journey and if you are having body issues yourself, I hope this particular entry helps. And don't worry you'll get there. It's hard, but you will. And do remember, we're not all meant to be size 10 and below. I think my bones alone are a size 10 :) 

Much Love, 

Candy xxoxxo

But my love for words and letters do not end on a board, I love writing. From poetry that sometimes turn into lyrics, short stories and dramas for the stage or just whatever I feel inspired to write. Sometimes it's mumbo jumbo and makes no sense to anyone else but me, but sometimes, sometimes it makes a really good connection and that is so rewarding. I have recently written my second album and in between writing lyrics, I have been working on something... I guess I should give you a taster really and you can tell me what you think thus far - be brutal I can take it - then again, you'll probably need more than this to form an opinion. Either way reply here or tweet me: icandyrose - maybe I'll give you some more of the story later. I'll skip the Intro and take you straight to the first few sentences - enjoy!:

In a dimly lit room is a huge four-poster bed with a very grey old woman lying in the centre. She is propped up with huge pillows and there are light curtain veils draped over the bed posts. She looks very frail but her eyes look very sharp and alert. There are 12 people in the room standing around her. Amongst them is 5 year old Andorra. The old woman looks from one face to the next and whispers loudly, "My time is almost up!" This announcement creates a lot of mumbling and "don't be silly, you'll outlive us all" type of comments around her. Everyone said something, but not little Andorra. No, she just stared at the old woman oddly.

The old woman lifts her hand to signal silence. She repeats what she said more firmly and continues, "None of you know how old I am. I am much older than you may think I am. I am not your great-Aunt!" There are gasps of shock, anticipation and curiosity that fill the room. She lifts her head and stares right at the woman standing next Andorra, "I am your great, great, great grand-mother's Aunt"

I am a hapless Romantic. I believe in Love so much that it inspires almost every aspect of my life - which you must have noticed from the lyrics that I write and my songs. I believe in Destiny, Kismet, Fate, Kissing a few frogs to find the right frog that happens to be your prince and that ONE life-changing, mind blowing, give it all up for just a moment with you - kind of love.

I believe that in a lifetime, you can experience falling in love quite a few times. At times the lines may get blurred when you are crazy in lust but think you are in love - but sooner or later, this becomes clear. There are probably a few like me out there, I am not big on PDA's (Public Displays of Affection), however I do find that just holding hands says a lot more about a couple's relationship than showing off your tongue duelling skills in public. There's nothing wrong with a passionate relationship, but if you feel the need to show it to the world like that, all we see is "I'm really insecure about my relationship..." Maybe it's just me that sees it that way, but what the hey, it's my blog and my opinion.

But back to Romance, everyone has their own idea of what Romance is. I know I certainly have mine and it doesn't necessarily conform to the masses, but it's mine none the less. But the thing here is, I have been loved and I have loved and I still love... and it's beautiful. You should try it.

xxoxxo

I

Love

Movies!

As my good friend, let's call him "Hardware" would say, "You'll watch anything"... unfortunately - or should that be fortunately? - this is true. I guess it depends on how long the movie... i.e the sometimes 2 hours (or more? say it isn't so) spent in a dark room that I wish I could go to the kiosk afterwards and say, "Hey you ticket or popcorn dude/dudette, get the Manager Now! And tell her/him to please quickly authorise a refund of those 2 hours of my life; as I have decided I'd rather watch paint dry."

But even after all that, I love Movies. Just like my taste in Music is unbiased and I like to explore, I will watch anything within reason. How else will I know if I like something? I actually really enjoy discovering world cinematic gems. I am fortunate enough to live in one of the best cities in the world and with a great variety of people and cultures, it does broaden the mind. It can be pretty inspiring to have a glimpse into other cultures that one might not necessarily have sought to know more about in an otherwise state. And as much I love Hollywood, I have the same if not more passion for Indian Cinema most commonly known as Bollywood. And it doesn't stop there. I love Japanese horror movies. The works of Hideo Nakata, Takashi Shimizu, Kuni Risho being the main crossover to hollywood movies, but when I first saw them in their original Japanese format with subtitles, I was scared and my friends will tell you, I don't scare easy. I was bored with Blair witch project so much so I actually fell asleep - which I NEVER do in the cinema. Japanese Horror, The Ring, was the most unsettling for me...

Common, if you haven't seen The Ring, then you have to see it. I must admit I was more scared of the Hollywood version of the girl, the special effects were I think more effective, but as I saw the Japanese one first, I was able to fully appreciate the genius behind the story and the cinematography. The first time she did that thing with the screen, I think I actually got up instinctively and stepped further away from the screen lol.

But... the most disturbing movie I have ever seen to date, is a Korean movie. Chan-wook Park's Old Boy remains the most disturbing movie I have ever seen and probably will remain so. It's one those films you just have to see... you know like Christopher Nolan's Memento, it's a must see movie. But unlike Memento's twist, Old Boy has a really twisted messed up plot that messes with your head - but at the same time it's a great movie. And it's after watching scary and/or twisted films, that I am glad that I enjoy Bollywood. For me it's pure escapism. Don't misunderstand me, there are some Indian Cinema movies that are not all fluffy and light, but deal with some pretty serious issues. But a lot of them are just wonderful romantic feel good movies. they're usually quite long - as in EPIC. It took me 2 days to watch Devdas starring Shahrukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai - now Mrs Bachchan (it's a weekend movie) and Devdas is like Romeo and Juliet and there are two parts in the movie that always make me cry, and one of my favourite movies of all time, Khabhi Khushi Khabhi Gham - really great movie with a great cast and awesome cinematography, in fact this movie made me an avid fan of the director Karan Johar, and quite a few of the cast, with SRK being one of them obviously.... let's just say I have a love for the movies.

The latest thing at the cinema that I have been absolutely enjoying, is the bringing to life of Superheroes from comic books straight onto the big screen. The knowledge that just a decade ago, quite a few of the amazing special effects we enjoy on the big screen today did not exist is quite... something (Endless thanks to the Geeks and Science people ;0). Avatar... do I really need to say more?

X-Men, The Hulk, Spiderman, Batman - finally dark and true to the comics, (Thank you Christian), Ironman - btw Robert Downey jnr and Christian Bale, if you ever read this, I think you guys are wonderful awesome. I am so looking forward to seeing Ironman 2. And there's also the games that become movies, can't wait to see what Jake does with Prince of Persia. I'm sure it'll be great.

I've just realised I could really go on. But I guess this is one more piece of the puzzle, that I may be to you, solved. I love movies. Cohen brothers, Tarantino, Cameron and so many great talented people out there. Not sure if it matters or not, but Thank you movie guys for what you do... and thank you, whoever you are for reading my blog.

xxoxxo

Give me a beautiful Geek.

I love intelligent people. And if they happen to talk like Stephen Fry, what more could a girl want. Those people that understand Mathematics at a level that's beyond my comprehension, speak C++ and algorithms is something they have for breakfast, and can talk about the philosophy of life and yet know what happened in the last episode of Heroes... Yeah, those people - you know who you are. :)

It would seem it takes much more than a beautiful package to keep my attention.... not that I don't greatly appreciate beautiful packages...

Btw, feel free to ask me questions at any point... it might take a while but I will try to reply

Candy

xxoxxo

xxoxxo

5th January, 2010

So I've been thinking of the 10 things I should share with you that you possibly did not know about me. So, here goes today's 1 thing... maybe I should count them down:

10) I'm short-sighted:

For the better part of my childhood, I squinted my way through life. Having witnessed first hand some of the ribbing the kids who wore glasses got, I determined that abject denial was the way to go.

So I squinted until my eyes started to look like slits until I was about 16. Had to go to the opticians' due to an eye infection and he was astounded at how I'd managed without glasses, and having not been hit by a bus yet.

Apparently I have an unusual astigmatism which radically changed the shape of one of my pupil's.... the part of the eye which focuses the image on the retina. I knew I was way overdue getting my eyes checked out, but it took me a long time to shake off the impending dreadfulness of being called four eyes.... especially as I had this idea that wearing glasses would somehow change my image to looking like Jerry Lewis from the Nutty Professor.... those glasses... *sigh*

Let me elaborate how bad it was. Prior to getting my eyes checked out, I viewed the world like a broken TV. You know when the channel isn't quite clear and the person on the screen is a person and a half. Like this ) ), and sometimes, if it was cold, the image would be a blurry person and a half. I used to get a lot of headaches. That all stopped once I got glasses. And my eyesight started to improve and the strength of my prescribed lenses has continued to improve much to my optician's amazement. I started off at -3.75 and I am now on -2.50... this probably makes no sense to you if you don't wear glasses, but to those who do, you will know that this is pretty cool.

My advise, get your eyes checked every 1 or 2 years regardless of whether you wear glasses or not.

P.S

I now wear contacts :) xxoxxo

Earlier this month, I had an interview with Les Zaldor of Zaldor's World on Bounce Radio. Really cool guy and pretty cool show. It was done over the phone as I'm in London and he's in Detroit, U.S.A.

It was fun doing it and if you missed it, you can catch it by clicking this link:

http://www.mevio.com/episode/205283/310-interview-with-candy-rose

I wish you all a great 2010.

Love,

Candy xxoxxo

Do buy the music :)